Feet on the ground
by Northoftheroad
Summary: A lesson in post-patrol report writing for a very young Robin. It goes about as well as can be expected. Cross-posted at AO3


_Disclaimer. Don't own, just playing._

"Robin. Come down here where I can see you."

"…What's up, big guy?"

"It's important to debrief and write a report promptly after patrol. I prefer if you stay on ground level during that time."

"Your wish is my command. I'm right here."

"How would you describe tonight's patrol?"

"… I suppose 'we kicked butt' isn't going to cut it?"

"…"

"Thought so."

"…"

"Let's see... We have been out for approximately four hours. We headed into East End, and our first stop was to stop two guys from robbing a lady in Robbinsville... Actually, they said some funny things for an attempted mugging... What was that all about?"

"... Never mind. Go on."

"But I thought you said it's important that I understand exactly what's going on, and what crime is being committed, so I don't make… an error in judgment, you said. And that's it vital to get everything right in the reports we write after patrol."

"We'll talk about this another time. Continue. Where did it happen? Describe the perpetrators as I've told you."

"... Right. It happened in Giella Alley, just by the corner of Wolfman Street.

One of them had a driver's license identifying him as Mark P. Johnson, age 22, from Gotham. Dressed in jeans, black t-shirt with white print, 'Elvis is alive', yellow socks and dark blue sneakers. The other guy seemed to be in his early 20s too, but he didn't carry an id. He didn't get the chance to speak a lot, since you punched him pretty hard, but I think he had a Gotham accent too. About 5 foot 7 inches, light brown hair in a crew cut, heavy build, hazel eyes, dressed in jeans, black t-shirt, black combat boots. Is that enough for the report, Batman?"

"Robin. When I said I wanted you to stay at ground level, I meant with your feet on the ground. Not hand standing on top of the computer."

"…Sorry…"

"Hnh. Continue."

"... With the rest of our patrol, or do you want more details?"

"The victim."

"Oh. Lee Parker, age 25, lives on the other side of Gotham, had been visiting with friends. They had just moved there so she hasn't learned her way just yet and got lost looking for her buss back home. I think she took the wrong turn when she came to Novick Street because she wanted to get the bus that goes past Giordano Botanical Gardens, but I haven't been able to memorise all the bus stops yet… She called her friends and two of them came to help of her, just after the cops arrived."

"Good. Next on our patrol?"

"O-kay. After a few more turns, we parked the car in Crime Alley and took to the rooftops. We moved around a bit, busted a small-time drug dealer by the closed bakery, and you loomed protectively over the Free Clinic for a while. Then we heard a report of an ongoing break-in at the bank at Sprang Avenue, we drove there and went in – that's where we kicked butt, by the way."

"Details, Robin. How many men? What do we know of their affiliation? Did we recognise anyone?"

"There were six men, all of them in custody by now. I think I've seen one or two of them moving around in the shadier parts of East End before, but I haven't met any of them at a crime scene. Uh – I don't know if they're part of any gang, or henchmen to someone in particular. They didn't have any particular clothes that showed affiliation, or anything like that."

"You did a double flip before you reached the man in light brown leather jacket. Why?"

"… But I knocked the goon down, didn't I? It wasn't a problem."

"I repeat: why?"

"It's fun!"

"It's not supposed to be 'fun', Robin. You make yourself a potential target longer than necessary with extra flips."

"Noo... I don't think so."

"…?"

"Last week, you told me to be unpredictable. 'If they can anticipate where you are going, you will be an easy target', you said. I don't think they can anticipate where I'm going when they don't know if I'm going to do a double somersault, or a twist, or a back somersault with a twist, or... you know, whatever."

"Robin... Please don't use the chairs as parallel bars."

"…Sorry…"

"... Go on."

"You called the cops, we tied up the wannabe robbers and checked that they hadn't hurt anyone on the way in, and when the guys in blue came we left. Do you think the GCPD ever resent that we use them as a cleanup service, night after night? It can't be much fun for them… Perhaps we should try being nicer to them, when they come…"

"Hnh."

"Do you have a headache, Batman? Your eyes are twitching... I'm sorry, I'll be quiet and sit still. Do you want me to get you something?"

"...No, it's all right, Robin."

"Alfred showed me where the first aid stuff is, there should be some aspirin if you want it. Or do you want me to get Alfred?"

"…I'll be fine. Why don't you go over to the gym and... train for a while, until I've finished the report. But no trapeze and no climbing high up! Stay on the mat or the uneven bars."

"…If you're sure you don't need anything."

"I'm sure."

"…I'm sorry I messed up the report. I'll do better, next time."

"I know you will. You're doing fine; you just need to be more focused. Now go work off some energy."

"All right. Thanks, Bruce!"

 _Sometime later._

"Master Bruce. Is there a reason Master Richard is asleep on the pommel horse?"

"Alfred… Next time I consider taking in a kid, please remind me of this night, will you."

"Certainly, sir. It will make no difference whatsoever."


End file.
